Didn't Ever Know To Say No
by xEnchanted
Summary: Beat her 'till she's black and blue and gray. How did her life get so difficult?


**READ THIS FIRST**

_Jonathan Larson wrote a song called "Valentine's Day" one version of it is on the RENT demos and another one is on Jonathan sings Larson. The one from the Rent demos is in Mimi's point of view, while the one from Jonathan sings Larson is from someone else's point of view. I'm not sure if it's still about Mimi though. But I wrote this using the version from Jonathan sings Larson about Mimi. If you want the links to both songs just ask. _

_Italics are song lyrics and english translation._

* * *

><p>"Te odio!" <em>I hate you! <em>A fifteen year old Mimi shouted to her mother.

"Mimi, por favor" _Mimi please_ Her mother pleaded to her daughter as she watched her put on her coat.

"No mamá, no puedo lidiar con esto más!" _No mom, I can't deal with this anymore! _Mimi shouted to her as she opened the door to leave.

"Por favor, Mimi no van!" _Mimi please don't go!_ Her mother called after her as she left. It was too late, Mimi was already gone.

_He was_ _a greeting card candy cupid_

_There was a blizzard it was 20 below _

_She was 15, clean, lonely, and stupid, _

_And as pure as the virgin snow _

Mimi walked down the empty streets of New York City in the snow, on a freezing February night. She was so mad at her mother and sick of fighting with her. Nothing was ever good enough for her mother; she could never make her happy. She got good grades, did what she was told to, and it still wasn't enough for her mother. So this was her running away from it all.

Running away though? She had nowhere to go, it was freezing, and there was a blizzard going on. She decided that she would go into the next store or café was open.

As she was walking down the street, about to approach an open café, a man noticed her as he was taking out his garbage.

"Hey, are you lost?" The man asked her as she was walking past him. She looked up at the man.

"No, I'm fine." She told him, trying to keep moving. He stopped her.

"How about you come into my apartment for a minute?" He offered. Mimi hesitated. She knew better than to trust someone she didn't know, but she was freezing and how knew how much longer she'd be out her.

"Alright" She said hesitantly. The man smiled and put his garbage on the curb then went back into his apartment building with Mimi following.

_He pulled her in from the storm and the fire was warm_

When they entered the room, it was warm and comforting to Mimi. She took off her coat and handed it to the man who hung it up.

"How about you sit down, make yourself at home." The man told her, she sat down on the couch. Above the couch, she noticed a knife, chains, and a gun mounted on the wall. She thought it was strange, but chose to ignore it. Then she noticed the fire place in front of her, probably what was making the place so warm and comforting.

"I'm Bill" The man introduced himself as he sat down next to her.

"I'm Mimi." She introduced herself back.

"Mimi, that's pretty. So why are you out so late at night all alone?" Bill asked. Mimi sighed, unsure if she should tell the stranger about her experience with her mother.

"Well, I got in a fight with my mother and then I got so mad that I just left." She told him. She started to go into all the details while Bill just sat there and listened.

"Well it seems like your mother isn't appreciating you like you want her to." Bill said.

"Exactly!" Mimi exclaimed. Finally, someone understood her.

"Here's an idea." Bill began. "How about you stay with me?" Mimi looked hesitant. She knew she shouldn't be living with a stranger, even if they were nice to her.

"I don't kno-"

"Just until you go back to your mother's" Mimi thought the idea over. It wouldn't be so bad to just stay until the morning, then she'd go home and apologize.

"Alright" She agreed. Bill smiled and got up, going into the kitchen.

_Didn't ever know to say no, _

_Didn't ever know to say no_

She looked around at the room, observing everything around her. She found it kind of odd that there weren't any pictures anywhere of any loved-ones. She looked up when she heard Bill's footsteps coming back in.

_Beat her 'till she's black and blue and gray_

_Draw a little heart, draw a little arrow_

_Draw a little blood_

_V-V-V-Valentine's day_

"What's up with this stuff on the wall?" Mimi asked, pointing to the knife, chains, and gun as Bill put down the things in his hands on the table. He looked up to see what she was talking about.

"Oh, those? It's an inside joke between my friends and I. See we used to go hunting together, but I wasn't very good and never shot anything. You know how people mount animal heads on their wall? Well since I never killed anything, we thought it'd be funny to put my hunting gear up." Bill explained. Mimi nodded, she really didn't really understand the joke, but she played along. Bill grabbed a heart-shaped box that was on the table in front of them.

"Want some?" He asked Mimi, opening the box, showing the chocolates inside. "I got it on sale since its Valentine's Day today." Mimi nodded, taking one. She really wasn't thinking over her thoughts anymore. She was just happy that someone was interested with her.

"These are the best kinds." He said, taking a bite of one. She nodded, agreeing that they were very good. Bill reached across the table, grabbing the bottle, and popping it open.

"Want some?" He asked her as he poured the red liquid into a glass. Was he offering her wine?

"Um, no thanks. I don't drink" She told him.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad." He insisted. Mimi hesitated, then finally nodded. A smirk spread across Bill's face as he poured her some red wine.

_Red wine, waterford crystals_

_Chocolate kisses and lace _

Late into the night, Mimi was intoxicated. Slurring every word she said and enjoying every minute of the attention she was getting.

"You know, this couch is not comfortable at all. Maybe you should sleep with me." Bill told her. Right away, she agreed. He took her to his room. She laid down on the bed.

"Hmm your bed is super comfy" Mimi slurred, staring at the ceiling. Bill began to undress himself. He climbed into bed with nothing but his underwear on. He grabbed Mimi, shattering her thoughts and bring her back into the moment. He began to roughly kiss her mouth. She tried to push him away but he was too much for her.

"What are you doing!" She shouted. He slapped her across the face and held her down.

"Don't scream, don't run or else I'll use my weapons that are on the wall." Mimi remained silent as he continued what he was doing.

_Knives and chains and a pistol, _

_Mounted on the wall like scars on her face_

The next morning, Mimi woke up feeling swore everywhere and had a horrible headache. She looked down and saw the only thing on her was the bed sheet. She felt so swore that she couldn't move. She looked at her right arm and right leg, seeing they were handcuffed to the bed posts. She remembered how Bill did it the night before.

_He said he liked to play rough as he locked the handcuffs_

"Oh good, you're up." Bill said from the doorway. She turned her head to see the monster she hated.

"Get up. I have a client that wants you." What? A client? What does that even mean? She couldn't even move, let alone go see people.

"I said get up!" He shouted as he went over to the bed, tearing off the handcuffs and roughly threw her off the bed. She whimpered when she hit the ground, sucking in her tears so that she wouldn't show fear.

"Wrap the sheet around you and get out to the living." He told her as he left. She grabbed the sheet and got up, moaning in pain. She wrapped it around her and tried her best to get outside.

_She knew it'd be tough to escape, _

_she knew it'd be tough to escape._

As she walked out into the living, she saw Bill sitting with a man on the couch.

"Damn, she does look good. Young too, how I like it." The man said. He had this cloudy look in his eyes.

"Yeah, if you got the money." Bill said to him.

"Calm down. I gave you money for the stash and I'll give you money for the girl." The man told Bill as he pulled out bills from his pocket. Mimi watched, not saying a word.

_Beat her 'till she's black and blue and gray_

Sixteen year old Mimi sat on the side walk in an alley, shooting up the last of her stash that she had. She ran away from Bill just the day before, made it all the way down downtown the village. It was a year ago today she made the stupid choice to leave her mother's house and run to Bill's. She pulled the needle out of her arm and threw it in the street. She was already starting to feel better from the liquid that was infecting her body. She had nothing but the clothes on her back. Not even a coat.

It was around 2:30 when Mimi was disturbed from her sleep. She looked up to see who was shaking her. A Hispanic man was, with a tub next him that had drum sticks placed on top of it.

"Honey, are you okay?" The man asked in a kind voice.

"Am I okay? I was trying to sleep but then you came and oh-so-rudely disturbed it." Mimi snapped at him. He just looked at her with sorry eyes.

"Oh chica, why don't you come home with me? You can get washed and have a real sleep." The man offered.

"The last time I went with someone who offered me a place my life turned into a living hell." Mimi told him coldly.

"I promise I won't hurt you." Mimi growled, this guy was giving up. Finally she sat up.

"Fine, whatever. Nothing can be worse than what I went through." Mimi said as the man helped her up. He picked up his tub and drumsticks and began to walk with her.

"I'm Angel." The man introduced himself.

"Mimi." Mimi coldly replied, introducing herself back. Nothing was said after that.

_Draw a little heart _

_Draw a little arrow _

When they arrived at Angel's apartment, it was old and falling apart, but a lot better than a lot of the men's houses she'd been in the past year.

"The shower is in there. You can sleep on my bed for the night, I'll sleep on the couch. If you need any clothes I have some. Just tell me if you need anything chica." Angel told her. Mimi actually felt very welcomed. She made her way to the bathroom that Angel had pointed out.

_Draw a little blood_

Mimi and Angel were sitting at a table at a café, laughing together. It had only been a month since she met Angel but her life had gotten so much better already. She and Angel had become best friends and she got a job, at a strip club called The Cat Scratch Club. Angel was a drag queen, but that didn't bother Mimi at all. Angel was Mimi's first real friend. Mimi never had an actual friend ever before, she was always teased at school. Angel really was an Angel for Mimi. She changed her life for the better.

Mimi hadn't gone back to her mother's. She knew she should have but she was too ashamed. This was her life. She still does drugs, and sells her body for money. Angel doesn't approve but Mimi ignores her comments.

"Chica, why do you do this to yourself?" Angel started for the thousandth time. Mimi sighed and looked at her best friend.

"Ang, not now." Mimi stopped her.

"But Meems-"

"Angel, no." Angel sighed, taking a sip of her coffee.

_V-V-V-Valentine's day_

Mimi took a look at her old apartment building where her mother lived. She was seventeen now and hadn't seen her in two years. She took a deep breath and walked into the building.

When she finally got up to her door, she lightly knocked the on the door. She really hoped her mother had moved or wasn't home. After a minute the door opened, showing a Hispanic woman who looked to be in her late forties. Her eyes grew large when she saw Mimi.

"María?" The woman asked, taken aback by the person who was standing in front of her. Mimi nodded.

"Si, mama" Mimi replied.

"Oh Mimi." The woman grabbed Mimi and pulled her into a tight hug, almost afraid that if she let go, she'd lose her again. Tears began to form in Mimi's eyes. She missed her mother so much in these past two years.

"Come in, come in" Mimi's mother said as she let go of her daughter. Mimi walked into the oh so familiar apartment as her mother locked the door behind her. She sat down on old couch. Her mother sat down next to her.

"Oh Mimi, what happened to you?" Her mother asked her.

"Mama, I'm so sorry I left. I shouldn't have. It was so stupid of me. I was just a careless little girl." Mimi saw that her mother was crying. It broke her heart that she caused her mother so much pain these past few years.

"Oh María, don't blame it on yourself honey. I should've ran after you. But I let you go, thinking you were just going to come back later, and then when you didn't I couldn't live with myself." Mimi started to cry herself. Her mother pulled her close as they cried together.

"Mama, I had bad things happen to me that first year I was gone. But the next year I got out of it and started a new life and I'm happy with it. I only live downtown and I'll visit and you can call anytime." Mimi told her mother as she held her. Her mother nodded.

"Alright, but remember to call." She wanted her daughter to live with her again, but her happiness was more important. As long as Mimi was happy, then it was alright in her heart.

"I will, mama." Mimi more than happy to be in her mother's arms again.

_February winter in her heart_

Mimi blew out the candles on her birthday cake that everyone at the club chipped in to get her. Everyone cheered as she blew out all eighteen candles. When she stood up again, she hugged the girl next to her, a close work friend of hers named Jasmine. One of the girls started to cut the cake as everyone surrounded a clear out table backstage.

"Thank you all so much." Mimi said as they started to hand out pieces.

"It's no problem. Eighteen is a big birthday." Dena, the one who put it all together told her. Mimi smiled and began to eat her slice of cake.

A little while later, Angel came to pick Mimi up like every other night. Mimi waved goodbye to everyone and left with her.

"Anything interesting happen?" Angel asked as they walked down the street.

"They got me a cake."

"Oh that was so sweet of them! Want to go to the café for a little while?" Angel suggested.

"Okay" Mimi agreed.

They entered the café and took a seat at a table in the back. The café was warm compared to the cold streets of New York. It was February 5th now, since it was just past midnight. Mimi's birthday just ended minutes ago. The year is 1988. It's been almost three years since Mimi was taken in by Bill, almost two since she's escaped.

The café was quiet, a few people sitting at tables and a few at the bar. It was typical. Angel ordered a tea while Mimi ordered a coffee. There was no better time to order a cup of coffee than just past midnight.

They were sipping their drinks and talking about their day when Angel noticed someone eyeing them.

"Chica, I think someone's staring at you." She told Mimi with small smile on her face.

"What are you talking about?" Mimi asked her, looking around her, not sure who she was talking about.

"That guy at the bar." Angel told her, nodding to a guy who was sitting at the bar. Mimi turned to where Angel was talking about. Sure enough, a man with chocolate colored skin, shaved head, and a suit on was looking at Mimi. He quickly turned away from her when he noticed that she noticed him. Mimi turned back to Angel.

"I doubt it." She said to Angel as she took another sip of her drink.

"Look again." Angel told her. Mimi looked back to where the man was and quickly turned back to Angel when she saw he was approaching them.

"Oh my god." Mimi said, looking down. Angel smiled at the man when he arrived.

Excuse me, ma'am, you won't mind if I bought your friend a drink, would you?" He asked Angel.

"Not at all" Angel replied. Mimi's head shot up, looking at Angel. "Go" Angel mouthed to her friend. Mimi sighed and got up, smiling at the man and walking to the bar with him. Angel watched from the table with a smile on her face.

"I just want a beer" Mimi told the man as they sat down at the bar.

"Two beers." He told the bartender.

"I'm Benny, by the way." He told Mimi as he turned back to her.

"I'm Mimi." She introduced herself back.

"Mimi, that's pretty. Is it short for anything?" He asked.

"Yeah it is, but I like Mimi better." Benny nodded, taking a sip of one of the beers the bartender set down in front of them.

After an hour, Mimi was all smiles. She told Angel that she would see her in the morning.

_Said I'd show her normal love_

After two weeks, Mimi had seen Benny many times, but she didn't want a real relationship. She had never had one before. She was afraid. All she knew was emotionless sex.

"Mimi, just give me a chance!" Benny shouted after her as she began to walk away. She stopped in her tracks and turned around to face him.

"I just can't!" Mimi shouted from where she was. Benny walked over to her.

"What are you afraid of? I can show you a real relationship." He looked her in the eyes as he said these words.

"It's too late for me to be shown a 'real relationship' I've been through so much shit these past few years and nothing anyone could say to me could make me change my mind on how I see things." She told him.

He looked into her eyes for a moment, seeing the hurt and pain in them.

"Just trust me." He told her in a low voice. Taking her face in his hands, he kissed her passionately, showing he was sincere.

_She said too late to start, _

_She said too late to start_

Mimi was carrying a box up to her new apartment. She had several others downstairs. Angel was helping her but it was still a lot for just them. It was April now, and she found an apartment for cheap. She loved living with Angel, but she felt like she wanted some more alone time for herself and when Benny was over.

Ever since her and Benny started to get serious, she stopped selling her body to disgusting men. Sadly her drug habits didn't get any better.

"Chica, wasn't Benny supposed to be here an hour ago?" Angel asked as she put down a box in the apartment.

"Yeah, he was." Mimi said as she pushed past her. Angel stayed quiet as they went down the stairs to get more boxes to bring up.

Where was Benny? She told him the address, 11th and Avenue B. How could he not come to help?

_Now her fashion's basically leather _

_Favorite color's basically red_

"You're fucking engaged?" Mimi shouted.

"Mimi, please. Just listen." Benny began.

"No you listen. I trusted you. I let you into my life. I let myself love you thinking you felt the same way but you didn't. Get out of my apartment." She screamed at him. He sighed, walking out the door, down and outside into the chilly November air.

When he shut the door behind him, she threw a vase at it. She looked at the shattered pieces of glass on the ground for a moment, then she fell to the ground and started to sob uncontrollably.

After an hour, she finally got up and went to the phone, dialing a number.

"Hello?"

"Angel? It's Mimi, could you to my apartment please?" Angel could sense the pain in her best friend's voice.

"Of course honey. I'll be over in a few." She told her, then hanging up the phone and started to get ready to leave.

When Mimi hung up, the phone, she proceeded to her bedroom. She threw herself onto the bed, pulling the covers over herself as she waited for Angel's arrival.

_And her passions change like the weather_

_As she dances from bed, to bed, to bed_

Mimi was walking the streets at three in the morning on a chilly March night. She just got done with a customer and was willing to do anything with any other ones that wanted her.

She started to sell her body once she and Benny were over. Ironically, now he was the one who owned the building that she lived in. Even though she still worked at the Cat Scratch, doing this gave her a little more money. Money that should've been used for bills and food, was really used to relieve her drug habits. That powder that turned into liquid, when it was running through her veins is when she feels best.

Right now she could really use a hit. She's had a couple of customers already. These men where disgusting and she was almost ashamed of it. But more money was always good, and she still loved the attention from the men, just like she did that night in February when she was fifteen. But now she was nineteen, and far away from that innocent fifteen year old girl from four years ago.

_And she feels like a fool_

_But she loves when they drool_

"This one is gorgeous" Angel gushed at the gown in the window. She and Mimi were window shopping down 5th avenue on a warm day in April.

"It is. Where do you think you would wear this?" Mimi asked.

"Paris, in the finest restaurant in the city, with the man of my dreams." Angel told her, as if it was just going to happen tonight. Mimi laughed.

"I'll wear the one next to it and go with a handsome gentleman that I accidently bumped into in the street, make it a double date." Mimi added on to the fantasy. The two friends laughed and continued their way down the street.

"These shoes are fabulous! I'll take a pair of every color." Angel said, pointing to the shoes in the window.

"I'll have the butler send it to your room at the Plaza hotel." Mimi said to her in a voice that resembled a person who thought they were higher class than everyone else.

"Fantastic darling." Angel replied. As they were walking away from the window, Mimi accidently bumped into someone.

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry" She began. She looked to see the person, much to her dismay it was Benny, with his hand in a blonde woman's.

"It's quite alright." He said to her, then looking at her. He saw Mimi, the woman he cheated on his now wife with. He looked away and quickly walked away with the woman.

"Chica" Angel began, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No. I can't. I have to go home." Mimi said to her, pushing past her, bolting back the way they came from.

"Mimi!" Angel called, running after her.

Mimi had run 40 blocks all the way back home. She slammed the door behind her, locking every lock on the door so Angel or anyone else wouldn't get in. She then proceeded to her room, taking out her emergency stash. It was all too much for her to handle.

"Mimi, please open the door." Angel shouted from the other side of the door.

Mimi ignored her friend's pleas. She was finished preparing the needle, so she took a cloth and tied it around her left arm. She took the needle in hand and stabbed the vein that was popping out, injecting the life-threatening liquid into her. She pulled out the needle and dropped it on the floor as she laid back on her bed, closing her eyes. She was already feeling a significant change.

Little did she know that this needle was tainted. And the red substance that it was tainted with would change her life forever.

_And I doubt she'll be cool till she's dead,_

Mimi threw the mail on the counter when she walked back into her apartment, shutting the door behind her. It was May now, the weather was getting much warmer now and Mimi was ready for summer after an emotionally rough winter.

She picked up the pile of mail, flipping through the letters as she walked around the apartment. She saw a letter from her doctor. She sat down, putting all the other letters next to her. She carefully ripped open the envelope and pulled out the later.

It was the HIV/AIDS test she had to take for work. They didn't really care if you were positive, but they need it on record. She opened up the folded up paper and began to read it.

Report Status: Positive

Mimi's hand flew to her mouth as she read and reread the words that were on the paper over and over. Hot tears ran down her cheek. She couldn't believe it. She crumpled up the paper and threw it to the other side of the room as her sobs became louder. She picked up the phone that was on a side table next the couch and dialed, waiting for someone to answer as she continued to sob.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end answered. Mimi couldn't even speak, she just continued to cry.

"Hello? Who is this?" The voice continued to ask.

"Benny, could you please come over." She choked out.

"I'll be there is fifteen minutes." He told her. She hung up the phone and drew her legs to her chest, sitting in a fetal position on the couch as sobbed and waited for Benny.

_Doubt she'll be cool till she's dead_

"Mimi, I think it'd be a good idea for you to come with me." Angel tried to convince her best friend.

"Ang, I'm fine. Just because I have this disease doesn't mean I have to go sit in a group and talk about it. It may work for you, but not with me." Angel sighed. Ever since Mimi found out that she was HIV positive, she's been trying to get her to go to Life Support with her, a group for people coping with HIV/AIDS and life.

Angel has had AIDS for a while. You'd think she'd be able to help Mimi with this by talking or going to the group with her but no, she refused. She wanted to act as if nothing was wrong with her, that included the fact that she still did drugs, the thing that caused this all. But every time her beeper goes off, it's a sick reminder that something is wrong with her.

"That's it! You're coming with me." Mimi looked at her friend, shocked that she got so edgy with her.

"Fine, whatever" Mimi said, not in the mood for a huge fight.

Mimi followed Angel up the steps of the community center in Brooklyn. She was still mad that she was being dragged to this as if she was a child. Angel opened the door and Mimi followed her in, seeing other people coming in and sitting down in a circle of chairs that were in front of a stage.

She sat down next to Angel, her eyes wandering around at the people around her. It seemed as if everyone was basically settled in, all but one chair was occupied. Just then, a tall, pale man who looked to be in his thirties came and sat down. When he sat down, everyone started to introduce themselves.

"Steve"

"Gordon"

"Ali"

"Pam"

"Sue"

"Angel, and this is my friend Mimi, who will be joining us today." Angel said as she introduced herself and Mimi.

"Alright, I'm Paul. Let's begin" The tall man said. Mimi watched as the meeting unfolded. She listened to everyone talking about their lives and how they're dealing with their disease.

_She says beat me 'till I'm black and blue and gray_

"Got out, now!" She shouted at Benny. It was August and they had been seeing each other every so often but this was the last time.

"Come on Mimi"

"No, you come on. You said you'd dump your wife months ago but you haven't. I'm not taking your sweet talk anymore." He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Mimi, please. I just need to stick around with her for a little bit more for business reasons and then I'll be yours." He tried to assure her.

"No, I can't deal with this shit anymore! You're a lying prick, now get out of my apartment." She yelled at him. He did say a word as he walked to the door, but turned once he arrived there.

"I hope you know, you'll never find someone that will deal with all of your shit like I do. You're just a helpless bitch." With that, he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

"Fuck you!" She shouted at the door, as if he would hear it.

_Draw a little heart _

_Draw a little arrow _

_Draw a little blood_

Mimi threw on her fake leopard coat. She heard a bunch of commotion going on outside and was going to see what it was. She assumed it was because of the reason that Benny had turned off the power on Christmas Eve. It was just like his heartless self to do that on Christmas Eve.

She opened her window and walked onto the fire escape, looking down at the scene going on. She laughed as she lit a cigarette, seeing her neighbors harassing Benny who was in his Range Rover.

By now she had learned to live life to the fullest, take it one day at a time and not worry at the future. If only her drug and smoking habits would have left with her negative attitude.

Benny got out of his car, but was still getting attacked, everyone throwing their eviction notices at him, screaming that they won't pay the ridiculous rent.

She spotted Angel standing on top of a car with his tub under his arm and drum sticks in hand, not in drag. He usually wasn't when he was playing in the street. She waved to him. He casually nodded towards her. She laughed and took a drag from her cigarette.

After a while, everything started to calm down. Benny began to talk to the people that were standing above Mimi. She looked up to see who it was. Two guys, both with blonde hair, one with glasses and the other with longer hair were who he was talking to.

She continued to look at them. She was particularly drawn to the one with longer hair. As the one with glasses went back inside, the one with longer hair noticed he was being watched and looked down to her. She just smiled a heart wrenching smile to him. He quickly looked away and went back inside.

Her smile turned into a smirk as she went back inside her apartment. She knew what she was going to do once Benny left.

_V-V-V-Valentine's day_

_Valentine's day_

_V-V-V-Valentine's day_

* * *

><p><em>I was re-reading this yesterday and noticed that I didn't do such a good job at proof reading it. So I fixed it up a little and hope it's better. Reviews are beautiful things.<em>


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